5 Ways To Promote Positive Behaviour in Your Child
When you react to your child’s negative behaviour in a positive way, it encourages them to understand their behaviour. It will help them see how it affects you, themselves and other people in their lives. Working on strategies to promote positive behaviour shouldn't be done alone. By involving other people, they can support what you’re doing. Otherwise, your child could get confused if others are using different tactics to yours.
In addition, working in agreement with your child’s nursery, and using the same strategies at home will help with the development of your child.
Don’t let stress control you
If you react to negative behaviour in a negative way, it will have negative consequences.
“Why don’t you shut your mouth and do as you’re told. You stupid child,” yelled a mum to her three year old daughter. She grabbed the toddler and slapped her on the leg.
The child shouted, “Go away.” She angrily slapped her mum back.
That scenario happens often between mothers and their young children. When you’re stressed, it’s easy to lash out at your child. Especially when you’re frustrated and they won’t listen to you, but carry on being naughty.
However, it’s not just their tantrums that can push you over the edge.
· Maybe you’re tired from constant sleepless nights.
· Your child always cries and whines.
· They scream at you when you try to discipline them.
· Your little one is destroying the house, pulling everything down and grinding chocolate or biscuit crumbs into the carpet.
On top of that you may be having a bad day.
What do you do? How do you handle the stress without resorting to hitting or screaming at your child?
If you don’t take action towards encouraging positive behaviour in your child, it may very well have bad consequences in the future.
“There is evidence to suggest that disruptive behaviours which are apparent in early childhood tend to persist and may become more severe in later years (Campbell and Ewing, 1990; Moffit, 1993; Pierce et al, 1999). An early study of parental perceptions (Richman, Stevenson and Graham, 1982) suggested that 60% of children with behavioural problems at age 3 will still be experiencing problems at age 8.” ~ Quote taken from a report ‘Perceptions of Young Children’s Behaviour’.
It won’t be easy. But for the sake of your child’s well-being and your sanity, you must take steps to encourage a change of behaviour.
Below are some of the things you can do:
1. Try to avoid yelling and smacking
Babies and toddlers cry when they’re tired, hungry, over-stimulated, bored or for other reasons. They can’t express themselves in words, so they communicate by crying, moaning or behaving badly. Unless you understand what is going on with them, you could read the signs wrongly. You get irritated and either scream at them or smack them. They’ll react by crying louder.
Instead of shouting, try to find out why they’re misbehaving. Deal with whatever it is that’s upsetting them.
Let them know that you don’t like their naughtiness. Be clear. You don’t want them to think you don’t like them. Explain why their bad behaviour isn't nice. That way, they’ll recognise when they’re behaving negatively. With your help they’ll learn how to manage it better.
Replace yelling and smacking with love and hugs. Tell your child you love them often. Always show unconditional love. It shouldn't be only when they’re behaving nicely. Love shouldn't be used as a type of bribery.
2. Mirror good behaviour by setting good examples
You are the role model for your child. They will do what they see you do. And say what you say.
“Remember that the most powerful reward of all is a smile and kind word.” (Cowley 2011)
Set good examples by speaking to them in a calm way. Don’t speak over them. Let them understand that it’s polite to take turns to speak. Actively listen to them when they’re speaking. Don’t cut them short by telling them you’re too busy. Make time to have meaningful conversations with them. Interacting with your child will make them feel loved and special.
Say please and thank you to them and encourage them to do the same. Use positive body language around them. Smile with them. If you walk around looking angry and moody, they’ll do the same. When they do something wrong, tell them why it’s wrong.
This guide from the NSPCC is packed with useful information to help you promote positive behaviour in your child. Download the booklet by clicking on the link here: Encouraging Better Behaviour: A Practical Guide to Positive Parenting.
3. Control your anger
Getting angry is never the answer. In fact, it can be fatal. A lot of parents have lost control and hit their child with shocking consequences. Many have died or ended up in hospital with serious injuries. Venting your anger and feeling sorry afterwards is not the right way to promote positive behaviour.
“ Misbehaving children can cause a parent to become stressed and angry. Remember, if you are stressed or angry then your child may copy your behaviour. Becoming angry is not an effective way of disciplining your child. If you feel yourself becoming angry, try some simple techniques like taking several deep breaths, counting to 10, or leaving the room. If you feel that you cannot control your anger, then get help. Talk to someone about your problem or ask your doctor about anger management classes.” _ NSPCC
If you suffer from anger problems, this guide might also help you. Here is the link to download the booklet: Keeping Your Cool.
4. Focus on the good and give praise
If you always react and focus on bad behaviour, they’ll keep repeating it. Plus, if you punish their wrong doings and don’t praise them for being good, you’ll damage their self-esteem. Positive reinforcements encourage independence and self-confidence. If you focus too much on their naughty behaviour, you’re indirectly telling them that is what gets your attention.
Make a habit of telling them that they’re good. It will make them feel good about themselves.
Even if it’s hard to see the little good they do, try to find it and praise them. Also, praise them in front of their teachers, friends and other members of the family.
I found an interesting article from a mum who uses the ‘being good’ technique. She always tells her children they’re good. She tells them that others say they’re good. She also gives them examples. But she makes up a lot of the examples to get her point across.
She explained further by saying, “Now I do take this with me wherever I go with my three boys. I put my mom's ways to the test nearly every day. And it works. It works before we go into the grocery store. It works before we sit down at a restaurant. It works when I know my kids are getting cranky hungry or cranky tired. I continuously find myself setting expectations for them like this wherever we go. Now I finally figured out, too, that it is totally made up. I make up that the people at the restaurant have probably "heard what good boys you are," so I expect that they will sit nicely waiting for their dinner. Then when the waitresses are impressed with how my boys may politely ask for their dinner, I say, "See! I knew you'd ask so nicely." It works. I guess I turn my made-up stories turn into real stories by making the expectations turn into reality.”
5. Give rewards for being good
You don’t have to go over-board by buying expensive presents or taking them away on holiday. Reward your child with simple things without spoiling them.
Some things you can use for rewards are:
· A new book.
· A treat at McDonald's or somewhere else they like going for a meal.
· Baking a cake or making biscuits together.
· A day out to the zoo or museum.
· A new toy.
Another approach is to set rules and boundaries. Keep the rules simple and speak in a language they understand. Reward your child when you see an improvement in their behaviour. However, don’t be too focused on just rewarding them when they’re sticking to the rules. Make it a habit so they don’t think they’ll only get treats when they’re being good.
Promoting positive behaviour will help your child develop self-confidence, independence, good social skills and manage self-control. Growing is about learning and experimenting, so demonstrate love and patience while you help to mould their character positively, rather than negatively. They’ll thank you for it when they’re older.
Photo credit: Free Digital Photos
Can you add to the list of ways to encourage positive behaviour in your child? Is there anything you do, that’s not on this list? Please share in the comments box below.
If you enjoyed this article, please share it on Facebook and Twitter so other parents can also enjoy it.
In addition, working in agreement with your child’s nursery, and using the same strategies at home will help with the development of your child.
Don’t let stress control you
If you react to negative behaviour in a negative way, it will have negative consequences.
“Why don’t you shut your mouth and do as you’re told. You stupid child,” yelled a mum to her three year old daughter. She grabbed the toddler and slapped her on the leg.
The child shouted, “Go away.” She angrily slapped her mum back.
That scenario happens often between mothers and their young children. When you’re stressed, it’s easy to lash out at your child. Especially when you’re frustrated and they won’t listen to you, but carry on being naughty.
However, it’s not just their tantrums that can push you over the edge.
· Maybe you’re tired from constant sleepless nights.
· Your child always cries and whines.
· They scream at you when you try to discipline them.
· Your little one is destroying the house, pulling everything down and grinding chocolate or biscuit crumbs into the carpet.
On top of that you may be having a bad day.
What do you do? How do you handle the stress without resorting to hitting or screaming at your child?
If you don’t take action towards encouraging positive behaviour in your child, it may very well have bad consequences in the future.
“There is evidence to suggest that disruptive behaviours which are apparent in early childhood tend to persist and may become more severe in later years (Campbell and Ewing, 1990; Moffit, 1993; Pierce et al, 1999). An early study of parental perceptions (Richman, Stevenson and Graham, 1982) suggested that 60% of children with behavioural problems at age 3 will still be experiencing problems at age 8.” ~ Quote taken from a report ‘Perceptions of Young Children’s Behaviour’.
It won’t be easy. But for the sake of your child’s well-being and your sanity, you must take steps to encourage a change of behaviour.
Below are some of the things you can do:
1. Try to avoid yelling and smacking
Babies and toddlers cry when they’re tired, hungry, over-stimulated, bored or for other reasons. They can’t express themselves in words, so they communicate by crying, moaning or behaving badly. Unless you understand what is going on with them, you could read the signs wrongly. You get irritated and either scream at them or smack them. They’ll react by crying louder.
Instead of shouting, try to find out why they’re misbehaving. Deal with whatever it is that’s upsetting them.
Let them know that you don’t like their naughtiness. Be clear. You don’t want them to think you don’t like them. Explain why their bad behaviour isn't nice. That way, they’ll recognise when they’re behaving negatively. With your help they’ll learn how to manage it better.
Replace yelling and smacking with love and hugs. Tell your child you love them often. Always show unconditional love. It shouldn't be only when they’re behaving nicely. Love shouldn't be used as a type of bribery.
2. Mirror good behaviour by setting good examples
You are the role model for your child. They will do what they see you do. And say what you say.
“Remember that the most powerful reward of all is a smile and kind word.” (Cowley 2011)
Set good examples by speaking to them in a calm way. Don’t speak over them. Let them understand that it’s polite to take turns to speak. Actively listen to them when they’re speaking. Don’t cut them short by telling them you’re too busy. Make time to have meaningful conversations with them. Interacting with your child will make them feel loved and special.
Say please and thank you to them and encourage them to do the same. Use positive body language around them. Smile with them. If you walk around looking angry and moody, they’ll do the same. When they do something wrong, tell them why it’s wrong.
This guide from the NSPCC is packed with useful information to help you promote positive behaviour in your child. Download the booklet by clicking on the link here: Encouraging Better Behaviour: A Practical Guide to Positive Parenting.
3. Control your anger
Getting angry is never the answer. In fact, it can be fatal. A lot of parents have lost control and hit their child with shocking consequences. Many have died or ended up in hospital with serious injuries. Venting your anger and feeling sorry afterwards is not the right way to promote positive behaviour.
“ Misbehaving children can cause a parent to become stressed and angry. Remember, if you are stressed or angry then your child may copy your behaviour. Becoming angry is not an effective way of disciplining your child. If you feel yourself becoming angry, try some simple techniques like taking several deep breaths, counting to 10, or leaving the room. If you feel that you cannot control your anger, then get help. Talk to someone about your problem or ask your doctor about anger management classes.” _ NSPCC
If you suffer from anger problems, this guide might also help you. Here is the link to download the booklet: Keeping Your Cool.
4. Focus on the good and give praise
If you always react and focus on bad behaviour, they’ll keep repeating it. Plus, if you punish their wrong doings and don’t praise them for being good, you’ll damage their self-esteem. Positive reinforcements encourage independence and self-confidence. If you focus too much on their naughty behaviour, you’re indirectly telling them that is what gets your attention.
Make a habit of telling them that they’re good. It will make them feel good about themselves.
Even if it’s hard to see the little good they do, try to find it and praise them. Also, praise them in front of their teachers, friends and other members of the family.
I found an interesting article from a mum who uses the ‘being good’ technique. She always tells her children they’re good. She tells them that others say they’re good. She also gives them examples. But she makes up a lot of the examples to get her point across.
She explained further by saying, “Now I do take this with me wherever I go with my three boys. I put my mom's ways to the test nearly every day. And it works. It works before we go into the grocery store. It works before we sit down at a restaurant. It works when I know my kids are getting cranky hungry or cranky tired. I continuously find myself setting expectations for them like this wherever we go. Now I finally figured out, too, that it is totally made up. I make up that the people at the restaurant have probably "heard what good boys you are," so I expect that they will sit nicely waiting for their dinner. Then when the waitresses are impressed with how my boys may politely ask for their dinner, I say, "See! I knew you'd ask so nicely." It works. I guess I turn my made-up stories turn into real stories by making the expectations turn into reality.”
5. Give rewards for being good
You don’t have to go over-board by buying expensive presents or taking them away on holiday. Reward your child with simple things without spoiling them.
Some things you can use for rewards are:
· A new book.
· A treat at McDonald's or somewhere else they like going for a meal.
· Baking a cake or making biscuits together.
· A day out to the zoo or museum.
· A new toy.
Another approach is to set rules and boundaries. Keep the rules simple and speak in a language they understand. Reward your child when you see an improvement in their behaviour. However, don’t be too focused on just rewarding them when they’re sticking to the rules. Make it a habit so they don’t think they’ll only get treats when they’re being good.
Promoting positive behaviour will help your child develop self-confidence, independence, good social skills and manage self-control. Growing is about learning and experimenting, so demonstrate love and patience while you help to mould their character positively, rather than negatively. They’ll thank you for it when they’re older.
Photo credit: Free Digital Photos
Can you add to the list of ways to encourage positive behaviour in your child? Is there anything you do, that’s not on this list? Please share in the comments box below.
If you enjoyed this article, please share it on Facebook and Twitter so other parents can also enjoy it.
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